


hold my hand when the lights go down

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Based on spoilers, Confused Robert, Fluff, I don't really know what this is, M/M, incredibly soft Aaron, post reunion fic with flashbacks to reunion, really soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:53:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: and most of all, aaron decides, he wants to get rid of the confusion written all over robert’s face. The confusion that has been there the whole time, together with the sadness and anger. The confusion that had been there for the past week, whenever robert had been with him really. He wants to stop that storm in the older man’s head, in his own head.that time is now.aka, a 2k+ reunion fic together with post reunion fluff. based on spoilers.





	hold my hand when the lights go down

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't at all planning on writing a reunion fic based on spoilers but then I listened to birdy's song shine and inspiration struck! (that's why it's kinda late)  
> 10/10 would recommend listening to it.  
> title also taken from the same song!
> 
> i hope you enjoy it!

 

His eyes are still closed, but as he is waking up slowly, memories from last night are starting to flood back. They are memories, he is sure of that, even though they seem close to unreal.

He forces himself to open his eyes, needing to find out whether the last thing he can remember could be true, is true.

He opens his eyes to find out that it’s all true. He’s facing him, they are facing each other. Robert is here, sleeping soundly while making little soft noises.

 

Aaron’s heart clenches, he can already feel tears forming in his eyes, happy tears though. He feels overwhelmed; never in a million years he thought last night would go the way it did.

He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting to be honest. The plan in his head didn’t go any further than following Robert to the club.

It definitely didn’t involve declaring his undying love to Robert. He had never been good with words but last night he knew it was a case of now or never.

 

Robert’s arms are stretched out towards him. He remembers falling asleep with the older man’s arms wrapped around him. Sometimes they could stay like that the whole night, other nights they would drift apart, only slightly though, always only slightly.

Robert still seemed totally unaware of how he was being watched, and Aaron had to resist touching his cheek, or brushing his hair out of his face. He didn’t want him to wake up just yet. He felt like he needed to get his thoughts together first.

Also the older man looked like he could use some sleep, dark circles under his eyes clearly visible.

He could feel his heart doing something funny while at the same time he could feel it breaking as he casted his mind back to last night, to Robert’s reaction.

Because yes, he didn’t expect any of it to go like it did, but for Robert it had all been even more of shock, a surprise, and not a good one at first.

 

::

 

He remembers Robert’s upset expression when he sees him at the club, trying his hardest to ignore him at first, but Aaron doesn’t let him he’s determined, can’t help it.

He’s in front of him suddenly, tries to explain these complicated feelings but Robert isn’t listening, tries to get to the exit. The stranger Robert had been talking to, long forgotten and left confused. The older man only interested in getting out of there, having the night over and done with.

He pushes at Aaron tries to get him to move out of the way and Aaron is letting him.

 

Then there’s a familiar voice. Aaron seems to be brought back to reality and realises that he’s not in his own little world but kind of in the middle of this club. He sees Bernice, Kerry and Priya staring at him, eyes wide.

The familiar voice however belongs to Vic.

 

_“Go after him then!”_

 

Aaron does. He prays, hopes he hasn’t lost Robert. He looks around wildly, sees a familiar shape trying to disappear around the corner. It’s absolutely pouring it down now and Aaron decided to just run.

When he’s closer to the older man he decides to shout.

_“Robert!”_

 

And Robert seems to almost jump. The rain apparently blocking out the sound of footsteps near him. The older man turns around. He looks shocked, a mix of emotions evident on his face.

_“Please, Robert, I-“_

_“Aaron, what do you actually want from me!” Robert is looking straight at him._

It’s all too much and he can’t seem to get any words out quick enough, so it’s Robert who is doing the talking.

_“Why are you even here! I don’t get it. I am trying so hard to move on and it is so difficult and then I finally feel like I am finally getting somewhere and you just turn up?! Why?”_ Robert looks and sounds almost frantic.

While he is shouting, his expression going from angry to sad, to angry again, Aaron can only stare at him.

In that moment all he wants is to protect the older man. He is absolutely soaked, hair clinging to his forehead. He’s wearing a sad expression again, the one Aaron hates so much. He wants to wrap him up, get him somewhere safe and warm.

It’s not like he isn’t soaked to the bone himself. But he doesn’t care about himself, only cares about Robert.

And most of all, Aaron decides, he wants to get rid of the confusion written all over Robert’s face. The confusion that has been there the whole time, together with the sadness and anger. The confusion that had been there for the past week, whenever Robert had been with him really. He wants to stop that storm in the older man’s head, in his own head.

That time is now.

 

_“Robert, please I want to talk to you.”_

_“Is it an apology?”_  The older man scoffs.

_“No, no- well I am sorry for all of this, but I am done running now.”_

_“What are you on about, we’ve been over this, we’re both moving on, well at least trying to”_ The last part comes out higher and slightly broken.

 _“No!”_ they are shouting at each other, but this comes out as a right yell. Robert looks stunned, even takes a step back, he starts shaking his head and Aaron knows what is happening.

 _“You are not doing this Aaron, I know I don’t deserve to be happy anymore, but I can’t handle this. I am not blaming you, you probably don’t even mean to do it, but you’ve been getting my hopes up since Valentines day, and obviously you don’t want me but I still can’t help to think-“_ For some reason Robert trails off and stops talking, just stares back at Aaron.

 

Aaron feels himself starting to shake, he doesn’t know whether it is down to the cold, or the need to cry. Robert looks awful, but everything he’s saying is even worse. Aaron wants to scream and shake Robert.

He notices how the street light illuminates the older man’s face, empty eyes looking back at him, feels awful for putting that look on his face, wishes he didn’t feel frozen into place. The older man looks down and is about to turn around, expecting this to be it.

 

 _“Robert.”_  He sounds shaky but forces himself to push through, get the words out.

_“I said I am tired of running because I am, everything I want is right here, it’s you._

_I am so sorry I let you think that what happened this past week is in your head, I promise you it’s not. I felt it too, I just pretended I didn’t. I wanted to please other people, knowing deep down, that I want something else. I’ve broken up with Alex._

_And I am here, listening to my heart.“_

_“No, I make you unhappy.”_ It’s all he says, Aaron wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Robert sounded determined, that sad expression still on his face. He has to try harder.

_“You don’t. You have made me the happiest person ever, and I would do anything to have it back. I am not saying the time apart hasn’t helped me in any way, it has. I am better now, and I love you, I miss you and, – I want you.”_

 

During his speech he had been looking from Robert’s, to the ground to Robert’s shoulder. He’s looking up now and sees the older man shaking. Aaron isn’t sure how to describe the look on his face, the anger is gone and so has the sad expression. It’s more a look of wonder, of needing something that little bit more to make sure this is all real.

So Aaron does what he had wanted to do since they’ve been standing out here in the rain together.

He closes the space between them and wrap his arms around the older man. He rubs at Robert’s back and nuzzles his head in his neck, hoping Robert’s isn’t going to push him away.

Robert’s hesitant, but suddenly the younger man feels him leaning into the hug, breathing out slowly, almost as if he’s finally _able_ to breathe again. Aaron starts to sway them a little bit and feels Robert holding him even tighter.

 

Aaron doesn’t know long they stand there hugging, all he knows is that he doesn’t want it to end. Him and Robert _together,_ in their own little world, hearing the faint sounds of music coming from the different clubs around them.

Somewhere during all of this it has stopped raining, Aaron doesn’t know when, it isn’t important  

Robert pulls away, Aaron feels his heart stop. He can tell the older man wants to say something, finds it hard though, he waits him out, looking at him with kind eyes and an open expression on his face.

 

_“I don’t know what to say, - I,”_

“S alright” Aaron shushes him, relieved that it’s not Robert trying to tell him he wants him to leave.

 _“S alright.”_ He says again softly, both hands moving to cup Robert’s face, using one of his thumbs to stroke Robert’s cheek. The older man gives him a small but slightly uncertain smile. Aaron feels his heart breaking and is once again hit by the words Robert spoke earlier.

 _“I, do-“_ He starts slowly, needs to say this _“I do know what it is that I don’t want to hear you say again though.”_ Robert looks worried now and the younger man quickly continues.

 _“That you don’t deserve to be happy, that’s- that’s just not true, please don’t ever believe that.”_ It comes out shakily but not any less determined.

Robert nods slowly, a few tears rolling down his face. Aaron starts nodding along with him as a soft smile spreads across his face.

 _“Yeah?”_ Aaron asks needs to know that Robert gets it.

_“Yeah.”_

_“Good.”_

 

Aaron knows he’s still a bit unsure, how can he not be really. Reminders of the past few days flash before his eyes, sees Robert hopeful expression, along with the confusing and sad one.

He is the one that needs to make the next move. He wipes away the tears on Robert’s face, leans in so their foreheads are touching, for a few seconds they just breathe each other in. It reminds him of the moment they shared before he went to prison, the way Robert’s eyes are shut, the way Aaron’s looking at him, drinking in his face.

He presses his lips against Robert’s, feels the older man freeze a bit but then he’s reacting, kissing him back. He’s making soft little noises that make Aaron’s heart flutter. Robert’s hands move towards his back, Aaron loves the comfortable weight of it. He starts rubbing Robert’s arms, as they continue to kiss and kiss and kiss.

 

It’s cheesy, but it truly feels like coming home.

 

::

 

Aaron’s walking back up the stairs, holding two mugs.

The house is quiet. Aaron feels a nervous flutter in his body when he thinks about everyone finding out. Liv and Gerry would inevitably be the first and it wasn’t Gerry he was worried about. 

 

He hadn’t yet thought of how he was going to break the news to everyone. Trying very hard to not think about that yet he concentrates on not spilling any of the tea or _coffee._

He feels a rush of something go through his body, feels like a right idiot for it but who cares. Aaron is not much of a coffee drinker in the morning, and Alex? He doesn’t even know what he preferred in the morning, tries to feel bad about it but it isn’t really working.

All he knows is that he’s bringing coffee up to his _husband, to Robert._ The man who definitely is a morning coffee drinker and the fact Aaron is able to bring him one up again brings him more joy than is probably normal. Sue him.

 

He left the bedroom door slightly ajar, knowing he was going to be up with two mugs. He’s about to push the door fully open when he’s met with a sight that quite frankly breaks his heart.

Robert’s sat up in bed, hair wild and a confused look on his face. It seems like he has literally just woken up and Aaron watches him taking in the room.

Aaron feels he knows what is going on in Robert’s head and can’t stand it any longer, he pushes open the door and walks towards the bed.

 

 _“Hey.”_ He says softly _“thought you could do with this.”_ He hands Robert the steaming mug of coffee and climbs on his side of the bed.

 _“I woke up and everything came flooding back and you weren’t here I-“_ Robert rambles as a way of answering Aaron’s concerned expression.

 _Thought that I couldn’t get out of bed fast enough,_ Aaron finishes Robert’s sentence in his head.

 _“I don’t know”_ Robert continues. Aaron lets it go. _“Wanted to bring you up a coffee ey.”_ He says instead, tries to sound brightly but can see that Robert’s still looks overwhelmed.

 _“Thank you, sorry for being weird.”_ Robert’s staring into his coffee.

 _“No, don’t be, don’t be sorry.”_ Aaron breathes, reaches out for Robert’s hand and strokes it with his thumb. _“It’s fine.”_ He knows it isn’t, not just yet. Definitely knows it when Robert looks back up at him, unshed tears shining in his eyes, tears of doubt.

He knows it will be fine though, sometime very soon. Aaron is going to make sure of it, is going to make Robert believe that he really does want him here, that he deserves to be here. That he’s isn’t going to abandon him, that there’s never going to be that moment that Robert fears most of all, the moment that Aaron decides this isn’t what he wants.

 

They sit in comfortable silence sipping their drinks, Aaron’s hand still in Robert’s when the older man catches sight of the alarm clock on Aaron’s night stand. He turns towards Aaron and untangles their fingers.

 

_“Do I need to go- Liv, she’ll be up soon, I don’t-“_

_“No, - I mean if you want to, but no I don’t want you to go.”_

_“She hates me”_

Aaron decides not to deny it, it would be no use. Liv wasn’t going to be easy, they both knew that.

_“She will be fine, in the end. Do you want to see Seb?”_

_“Yes.”_ The smile on Robert’s face at the mention of his son’s name tugs at Aaron’s heart strings.

_“But Diane will be enjoying spoiling him rotten at the moment, she probably wouldn’t appreciate me turning up just yet.”_

Aaron smiles. _“Bring him here later if you like.”_

 _“I will.”_ Robert smiles back at him sincerely.

Everything suddenly feels a million times lighter than it did a couple of minutes ago.

 

 _“So we’re doing this.”_ Robert says a couple of quiet minutes later, he looks at him, eyes sparkling.

 _“We are.”_ Aaron confirms, knows his expression reflects Robert’s.

 _“How?”_  It’s a simple question, covering multiple hows and whens.

 

_Seb, Liv, Robert moving back in._

 

Aaron wants to say something but Robert continues.

 _“There’s also your mum, paddy.”_ It’s almost as if he’s just remembered them, and his face is slightly panicked.

_“They will have to deal with it Rob, you belong here with me. They will see this, deep down they know this.”_

The _I knew this_ , hangs in the air.

Robert just nods and Aaron leans in to kiss his head.

Aaron knows they will deal with it, with the comments and reactions from his family. Their love is strong, Robert’s love for him is strong and he’s so happy to get to have this love back in his life.

This is what Aaron wants, his family have no say in it. He won't have anything or anyone bringing them down, not anymore not ever.

 

They will deal with it _together_

 

 _Your love is strong_ _and they just don't deserve to choose where you belong._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!
> 
> feel free to leave comments<3
> 
> come say hello on tumblr @ sugdenssrobert
> 
> i hope you all enjoy the reunion:) x
> 
> (the last line is taken from the song shine)


End file.
